I spent last week canoeing with my family in northern Minnesota. Before we left, I changed my out-of-office message to indicate that I would be offline for a week. For many people, this kind of message is meant to communicate the spirit of a commitment: to take a break from work and relieve the expectation of an immediate response. In my case, the message communicated a rare reality: no cell service, no Wi-Fi. As soon as we pushed off from the parking lot, my phone became a hunk of metal and glass, useful only as a camera until the battery died. 

Touching grass

It isn’t just the absence of devices that makes this kind of trip meaningful. It’s the call of loons at dawn, the relief after a long, muddy portage, and the millions of stars that slowly emerge at dusk. Still, storing that hunk of metal and glass in our packs instead of keeping it at our fingertips certainly set the conditions for us to tune in to our surroundings and to each other.

I know that this kind of experience might be unsettling to many, having more to do with the clouds of mosquitoes than the lack of cell service. Still, many of us crave breaks from our devices. Instagram is full of posts like, “See ya friends! I’m deleting Instagram from my phone!” We remind each other to “touch grass” and install app or browser blockers. Influencers capitalize on this impulse, promising benefits from “dopamine fasting” (not a real thing) or ninety-day log-off challenges.

There’s no question that touching grass is good for us. But do we really need to retreat into the wilderness to detox from our phones? If you’re looking for more realistic approaches, what works? What doesn’t? Science offers helpful clues about how to renegotiate our relationships with devices.

Does unplugging work?

There aren’t tons of studies on digital “detoxes,” but the evidence we do have is surprisingly mixed. A recent literature review found that some interventions improved wellbeing, others had no effect, and some even had negative consequences. That’s not too surprising, in part because there’s no universal definition of a “digital detox.” The authors reviewed studies ranging from single-day to multi-week breaks and some focused on all phone use while others only on social media.

Destinee Ramos, an undergraduate fellow at the Harvard Graduate School of Education’s Center for Digital Thriving, conducted a study with teen girls ages 15-17. Some took a full social media detox for four days, others a partial one. The results were surprising. Teens in the full detox slept an extra 42 minutes a night (!), but those in the partial detox reported greater reductions in stress. Across both groups, some teens thought it was beneficial, while others reported that it added stress to their daily lives. 

Among other variables, length may matter. One impressive study did find significant wellbeing benefits when adult participants blocked internet access on their devices for two full weeks. The catch is that it was challenging to get people to complete the study. The highly motivated group who did end up doing so may not be representative of the general population. Even the researchers noted that more targeted app blocking might be more practical and effective for most people.

Altogether, this collection of studies suggests that:

• Just because something works in a study, doesn’t mean that it is sustainable in real life. The benefits are also unlikely to persist if we resume previous habits. As researcher Jacqueline Nesi notes in a review of the research, we need to find a balance between “what’s ideal and what’s practical.”
• There is unlikely to be a one-size-fits-all solutions that work for everyone. Tailored and personalized approaches may be most successful given that the impact of social media on mental health depends on context, individual differences, and their digital habits and activities. 

From detox to discovery

There’s probably a meaningful path between paddling away from cell reception in a canoe and living life entirely online. That path is unique to you, your family, or your kids. Among adolescents, media habits that support personal wellbeing (rather than mindless scrolling) and care for others (through empathetic or civic use) are linked to better outcomes. We can model this for our kids. If you notice that your own phone use is getting in the way of what you want or need to do for yourself or others, it may be time to experiment with digital breaks and new habits.

Behavior change science and the power of habits offer some guidance here. But first, let’s remember that this is an opportunity to spark reflection and nurture digital agency. As a parent, a purposeful boundary is more helpful than a forced lengthy detox. If media use becomes truly problematic or compulsive, reach out to your primary care provider or a mental health professional. Problematic media use is often accompanied by other mental health challenges.

How to make change stick

Reflect first

Reflect first: Consider what matters most to you and what supports mental health. For example, sleep, movement, downtime, purpose, nature, focus, and connection. When is your phone use supporting these things? When is it interfering or crowding them out? Sometimes it’s about what happens on your device (“I love texting with friends, but I don’t like feeling like I always have to be available”), and sometimes it’s about what gets crowded out (“I want to wake up more refreshed after a good night’s sleep”). Get specific.

Align your goals with who you believe yourself to be

As James Clear explains in his book Atomic Habits, habits stick best when they align with who we believe ourselves to be. An identity goal like “I want to be the kind of person who connects with my family every day” is more motivating than “I should spend less time on my phone.”  Learn more about identity goals.

Focus on keystone habits

Too often, we approach change with a lofty roadmap for a new lease on life. In our enthusiasm for big change, we forget to pay attention to the small but powerful levers in our lives that have cascading positive impacts. Learn more about keystone habits.

Use the power of habit loops

We run a lot of our lives on autopilot. Expecting to constantly be in a state of reflective and intentional use is unrealistic. Instead, use the power of habits to create change. Learn more about habit loops.

Plan for obstacles

Research by Dr. Gabrielle Oettingen shows that fantasizing about success alone doesn’t lead to change. Instead, pairing dreams with an honest look at obstacles, and planning for them, creates better outcomes. Learn more about the WOOP method.

Consider tech support

In Adam Alter’s words, “proximity is destiny” when it comes to our phones. Most popular platforms are designed to capture and hold attention, making it more difficult to self-regulate. Try experimenting with tech tools that help block distractions and make it easier to focus on what matters. Learn more about apps and tools that support focus.

Toward digital agency (and a better internet?)

The word “detox” implies shedding toxins, yet the reality is that our digital lives also provide nourishment. If that framing resonates, use it. But if the goal is to move toward what we truly want, it may be more helpful to see these experiments as opportunities for cultivating digital agency. We benefit from feeling like we are in the driver’s seat of our digital lives. Notice what’s working, question what’s not, and experiment with creating change that means something to you. 

Let’s also remember that our relationships with our devices isn’t just shaped by our personal goals and willpower. They are shaped by platform design, by institutional structures and policies, geography, and our access to supports and resources. In other words, rethinking our digital habits is both a personal and collective challenge. Both are worth tackling. What kind of digital lives, and what kind of internet and society, do we want to build together?