“It’s a lot,” an eleventh grader admitted to me recently. “There is always homework, updates to check, friends to respond to, and things to get done. Plus there is so much happening in the world right now. Sometimes I try to check out, but I still feel the pressure. It’s exhausting.”

This student isn’t alone. A study from Common Sense Media and the Center for Digital Thriving found that over a quarter of teenagers report feeling burned out, a condition exacerbated by pressures from adults, social media, and even their own expectations. For some, this pervasive “grind culture” leaves little room for downtime, as they sacrifice rest and self-care to meet seemingly relentless demands. In contrast, teens who report feeling little to no pressure tend to get more sleep, spend more time outdoors, and have more flexible schedules.

The Value of Prioritizing Downtime

It turns out that prioritizing downtime isn’t about retreating from the world or abandoning our goals—it may allow us to engage with both more thoughtfully and creatively. In an era of lightning-fast information, packed schedules, and constant engagement, our attention is frequently pulled outward by tasks, activities, and devices. It’s easy to override our brain’s need to pause, wander, and make meaning of what we are experiencing.

Neuroscience indicates that our brains operate using two distinct attention systems: a “looking out” system and a “looking in” system. The challenge? We can’t use both at the same time. Instead, we toggle between them, often without realizing it.

• Looking out is our outward-facing attention—activated when we scroll social media, check texts, consume news, or focus on external tasks.
• Looking in is our inward-facing attention—engaged when we reflect, rest, remember, feel, or daydream.

Neuroscientist Mary Helen Immordino-Yang explains that it’s during this “looking in” mode that we make sense of our experiences. It’s not just a mental break; it’s key to our ability to learn, empathize, and make meaning. One study found that people who take reflective pauses when confronted with an emotional story are better at applying its moral lessons to new situations.

The Outward Pull of Technology

Technology certainly pulls our attention outward—especially during times of stress or uncertainty. But technology isn’t alone to blame. For teens, tech often mirrors and amplifies pressures that originate offline. In some cases, it can also reduce pressure. Still, a digital age challenge remains for all of us: when left unchecked, notifications, algorithmically driven content, and the pressure to be available leave little room for downtime. This constant outward focus can contribute to exhaustion and overwhelm.

The takeaway isn’t that media and technology inevitably undermine our social and emotional lives. On the contrary, technology can provide valuable information, perspectives, and relationships that enrich our understanding of ourselves and each other. The key insight is that processing the moral and emotional impact of what we absorb while “looking out” requires that we also take time to “look in.” 

Where Will Our Minds Wander?

Recently, I took my dog for a longer walk through my neighborhood and left my phone at home. The sun was setting, igniting a bank of clouds in brilliant hues. The crisp, cold air filled my lungs as I breathed in and out. It was the perfect context for presence, awe, and unfettered mind wandering. But did I take notice? No.

Instead, my mind was busy replaying a mistake I had made earlier that day. I came home more agitated than I had been setting out on the walk.

Let’s be honest, digital breaks don’t automatically bring the benefits of inner presence. A group of researchers at the University of Calgary explored different types of mind-wandering and confirmed that my experience isn’t unique. Participants reported at least two kinds of thought patterns:

• Constrained thought patterns remained fixated on solving a specific problem or ruminating about a recent social interaction or challenge.
• Freely moving thought patterns skipped dynamically among topics of interest.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, people whose thoughts move freely—untethered from immediate concerns—show brain activity associated with creativity and outside-the-box thinking. This sounds great, yet research suggests we often underestimate how much we will enjoy simply being alone with our thoughts, free from distractions. Perhaps that’s part of why we avoid it. It’s worth remembering that not only can free mind wandering help us solve problems and make meaning of our lives – it also feels good.

Take Time Away from the Roar

The takeaway from this study isn’t that we need to add the pressure of “optimizing mind-wandering” to our to-do lists. If anything, nonjudgmental awareness of our thoughts helps us avoid constrained loops. We also can’t force our kids to engage in mind wandering and courageous introspection. But we can increase the likelihood that we all encounter our inner lives by:

• Creating more open space in our schedules when possible. We can challenge the idea that unstructured time is “wasted” by discussing why we value it.
• Acknowledge structural drivers. The systems we operate within often demand our time and attention while providing little support for rest and downtime. Acknowledging this is important. Work to organize for change when possible.
• Engaging kids in empathetic conversations about the pressures pulling time and attention outward. Where do these pressures come from? How do they feel? What choices do they have?
• Prioritizing time for simple, repetitive tasks that may not seem “productive” but encourage mind wandering—activities like dot-to-dot, knitting, coloring, or walking. Occasionally replace podcasts or videos with music, which is more likely to facilitate mind wandering.
• Encouraging small moments for quiet reflection, family rituals, awe-seeking, time in nature, or “active noticing.”
• Experiment with device-free time—not because all technology is harmful, but because, as Sherry Turkle reminds us, “To make our life livable, we have to have spaces where we are fully present to each other or to ourselves, where we’re not competing with the roar of the Internet.”

Last night, as we sat down for dinner, we lit a candle, and I invited everyone to pause for just one minute before shoveling food in our mouths. Within seconds, our dog nudged my arm, asking to go outside. My youngest tipped the candle, spilling wax on his fingers, and my oldest had a distant disassociated look indicating he was preparing to endure, not enjoy this moment of quiet reflection. And that’s okay. It won’t always go smoothly. The tips above are about creating the conditions to encounter our inner lives, not expecting perfection. We’ll try again another time.

For kids and adults alike, there is a lot that demands our attention right now – in our personal and collective lives. That is exactly why we need to light candles, leave our devices behind sometimes, or doodle instead of check things off our to-do lists. Engaging with the world thoughtfully demands both the ability to direct our attention outward and the courage to go inward. Let’s cultivate both.