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Connection

A group of teenagers seeking independence while out on a walk

Why Teens Respond Better to Collaboration Than Commands

“I need you to get going!” I told my middle schooler. This reminder came at the end of instructions about what-to-do-next in the unstructured day ahead. My pre-teen, more engaged in a podcast than my game plan, didn’t budge. I considered increasing volume, providing more information, or adding in some exasperated sighs for emphasis. Before…  Read More

Kids getting on school bus

Back to School Priorities

“How are you feeling about going back to school?” I asked my youngest over breakfast. “I’m excited!” he responded quickly. I was grateful for the enthusiasm but realized that there might be more to the story.  Sure enough, the same child was on the verge of emotional collapse five minutes later. He was beside himself…  Read More

Mom and teenager laughing and connecting

Identity in Adolescence

When Teens Push Us Away, Let's Get Creative With Connection

“I know that I want to raise an independent kid who eventually goes off into the world,” a parent recently shared. “But I just don’t like this in between part.”  “What part?” I asked.  “Oh just the part where they wrench themselves away from the family and treat me like an unwanted roommate,” they replied…  Read More

Parent and teen looking at phone together

Does Your Kid Want a Phone? Consider These 5 Questions First

“My seventh grader is begging for a phone. I keep going back and forth about whether I think she’s old enough,” a parent recently shared. “Honestly,” he went on, “I’m not sure I’m ready.” “I love that you are thinking about that second part,” I responded.  “What do you mean?” he asked.  “Well, we tend…  Read More

Kids on a trail pointing into a dense bank of fog.

The Surprising Science of Awe and Why We Need It Right Now

“Wow, this is stunning,” my oldest said facetiously, staring into a wall of dense gray clouds. After a couple of hours of hiking in the dense forest, we had finally made it to the big, dramatic view.  Except that instead of a sweeping green vista, there were clouds. And we were inside them. “Isn’t it…  Read More

Top 5 Blog Posts of 2022

1. Why Forecasting Emotions Can Help Kids Handle Them When we hit a rocky spot, it is certainly tempting as parents to hope that tomorrow will be a better day. Thankfully, we are often right! Sometimes all it takes is a good night’s sleep to increase our kids’ capacity to handle what comes their way.…  Read More

Two teens sitting on a bench looking at their phones together

When Phones Get in the Way of Connection (and When They Don’t)

“Hm hmmm?” I said, vaguely attending to my youngest child’s in-depth description of what features he would add to a Minecraft realm if given full coding control. My attention was split between his description (which could go on without end) and scrolling through a headline a friend had texted me.  Actually I hadn’t made a…  Read More

Group of young teenagers sitting outside in a circle showing each other images on their phones

Teens and Screens: Why The Shift From Control to Connection is Key to Mental Health

We all have well rehearsed parenting phrases that emerge at different stages in our kids’ lives. Usually they pop into our heads or out of our mouths before we’ve even had time to think them through. You aren’t alone if the dominant phrase during middle and high school is, “PUT. THAT. [INSERT TECH DEVICE]. DOWN.”…  Read More

Five Questions That Will Help You Listen (And Learn)

“Wait,” my oldest recently interrupted me. “Aren’t you supposed to be lending me your ears?”  “What?” I responded, annoyed at being interrupted but also momentarily distracted by the image of handing over something akin to the fake rubber yoda ears shoved into our costume bin in the basement. In the time it took me to…  Read More

Group of kids running towards school with their backpacks on

“How Was Your Day?” Talking to Kids About School

“How was your day, buddy?” I asked my third grader after his first day of school. “Thumbs up, down, or something in between?” I prompted.  He put his thumb sideways and kept walking without a word. This kind of ambiguity is challenging for us parents. I managed to respond with a simple, “That makes sense,”…  Read More