“Are you excited about middle school?” a well-meaning employee asked my soon-to-be sixth grader last week. She was doing her best to make conversation as she scanned our pile of college-ruled notebooks at checkout.

“I guess so,” my youngest replied, his tone suggesting he was trying to convince himself.

Later in the car, he added, “It’s not that I’m not excited,” he clarified. “But I have other feelings too.”

“That makes sense,” I said. “Me too.”

That’s the thing about going back to school. One feeling rarely captures the emotional complexity of the moment. Parents, educators, and students alike carry a swirl of changing and sometimes conflicting emotions. Excitement, yes. But also anticipation, anxiety, relief, nervousness, gratitude, eagerness, and on and on.

In the midst of this whirlwind, it’s easy to focus on the tangible details. What hour is science? Will they have friends in their classes? What kind of calculator do we need?

But as we move through the feelings of these first weeks back in school, we would be wise to look up from our lists and toward each other as we consider what else to prioritize this year. Here are a few things on my list.

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A Mindset for Managing Stress

Part of growing up is learning how to handle an increasing number of challenges and responsibilities, many of which are naturally stressful. Yet stress is often framed as something to avoid at all costs. Too much stress can certainly be toxic to our health and wellbeing. With the right supports, however, manageable stress about meaningful challenges can sharpen focus, provide energy, and build our capacity to do hard things. This is why a “stress-is-enhancing” mindset is so powerful. It helps young people reinterpret their body’s stress response to positive challenges: “This level of stress is manageable and can actually help me get where I want to go.”

It is essential to be crystal clear on the goal here. A “stress-is-enhancing” mindset is not about putting a positive spin on toxic stress or trauma. It is not about sidelining mental health concerns or ignoring systemic problems. But for the many stressors that help kids learn and grow, let’s model ways to embrace struggle, make stretch mistakes, and reach toward our learning edges.

Compassion

Empathy describes our ability to take someone else’s perspective or to vicariously feel their emotions. Compassion goes a step further. It moves us to act. While human beings are capable of cruelty, study after study demonstrates that compassion is deeply rooted in our biology. Despite what many adults in this country are modeling right now, human beings are wired to care about and help each other.

Compassion slows us down. It invites us to get curious and approach others with care. It is about mutual aid and relationships, not pity or rescue. It isn’t something that we can flip on or off. It’s an emotional architecture and set of skills that is strengthened from early childhood through adolescence. I can’t imagine a more essential part of life’s curriculum right now.

Courage

The latin root of the word courage is cor – or heart. Early interpretations defined courage as the ability to “speak one’s mind by telling one’s heart.” It sounds simple, but in practice it’s a heavy lift at any age. Emotions can be messy and overwhelming, especially in early childhood and adolescence because the part of the brain that helps manage them is still under construction. Kids rely on caring adults to help them practice emotional regulation as their brains grow.

The goal of emotional regulation isn’t to squash intense emotions or raise quiet, compliant kids. It’s to build emotional courage: helping children name their emotions, understand the context for them, and build tools for settling their bodies enough to channel feelings into healthy actions for themselves and others.

Emotional regulation equips kids to navigate dilemmas like:

• Seeing a child being bullied on the playground.
• Hearing a racist comment on Discord.
• Noticing a rule or policy that is unfair or harmful.

Without practice, kids (and adults) are more likely to shut down in the face of uncertainty and conflict, leaving them ill-equipped to stand up for themselves or others. Emotional regulation helps us settle this stress response enough to consider thoughtful next steps.

This year, let’s model and cultivate emotional courage. More connected and compassionate communities can grow in the space between big feelings and the choices we make about what to do with them.

Curiosity

Many people think of curiosity as a strictly intellectual pursuit. It does help make information stick, but it isn’t just about getting the right answers on a quiz or memorizing facts. Curiosity is key to our individual and collective wellbeing.

Lack of curiosity shuts us off from the stories, experiences, and perspectives of others. Without it, our biases harden, our motivation wanes, and our ability to connect weakens. Studies show that lower curiosity is linked to greater loneliness and isolation.

Curiosity is part of being human, but we can create conditions that either ignite it or shut it down. It grows when we consistently make space for it. This year, let’s ask better questions, explore new perspectives, and model a spirit of wonder for our kids. In doing so, we not only prime the brain to remember what we are learning right now, but also strengthen our capacity to build a more connected and caring future.