A parent recently shared, “I literally cannot imagine living without our phones right now with everything going on.” In the next breath she admitted, “but I’d also like to throw all of our phones out the window.” 

As the pandemic wears on we clearly continue to live in a state of psychological flux with our devices. Of course, it isn’t just the devices themselves that cause the ambivalence. We also vacillate in our assessment of whether they are helping our kids or hurting them.  Unfortunately, looking at news headlines doesn’t help. Earlier this month Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center reported on a new study about the protective power of positive online interactions during the pandemic. Their headline read “Why Pandemic Screen Time Might Not Be So Bad for Teens.”

Parents everywhere heaved sighs of relief as we quietly calculated the number of hours our kids have spent tethered to their devices over the past two years. 

The relief didn’t last long. About a week later the Wall Street Journal broke a story about Instagram’s internal data on the impact of their platform on body image among teen girls. Their headline read “Facebook Knows Instagram Is Toxic for Teen Girls.” This headline was enough to spark rage and renewed concern about the negative impacts of the pandemic driven forever-scroll. 

We should be asking big, important questions about how to create healthy digital ecosystems for all young people. But we shouldn’t look to any single news headline for definitive proof of whether apps are entirely good or bad.

What is actually going on?

While these dramatic titles about the promise and peril of social media seem to be in conflict, the reality is that they do point to a growing consensus in the field: how, when, and why different kids use specific social media platforms shape outcomes in powerful ways. 

Amidst pandemic fatigue and the “psychic numbing” of constant risk assessment, it would be easy to throw up our hands and conclude that we just don’t know much about teens and screens. This would be a mistake. The reality is that we will likely continue to see divergent headlines in the news because they reflect the different outcomes for kids.

Coming into the pandemic we knew that the overall size of the effect of social media on depression or anxiety is fairly small. In fact, social media can be protective.  We also knew that young people who are struggling are most sensitive to its effects – for better and for worse. 

So what are we to make of this?

It certainly doesn’t mean that we should let companies like Facebook and Google off the hook. We should be asking big, important questions about how to create healthy digital ecosystems that support all young people. We can and should be advocating for platform accountability when it comes to privacy, hate, and mental health. But we shouldn’t look to any single news headline for definitive proof of whether apps are entirely good or bad. 

Every headline is an opportunity for us to pause, access our curiosity, and turn towards the young people in our lives. It cues us to the important issues we need to wrestle with – not with the sole goal of powering down devices but with the goal of staying connected and prioritizing mental health and wellbeing.

Adolescence can be a uniquely vulnerable time when it comes to social media and body image. But let’s not forget that social media may also be magnifying and reinforcing existing vulnerabilities that we should not ignore.

Platform design, teen strengths, and teen vulnerabilities

Alarming headlines or not, body image and eating disorders are well worth paying attention to. This is especially true now, when disordered eating has been on the rise during the pandemic. 

Well before Instagram’s own data collection efforts, we’ve known that adolescence can be a uniquely vulnerable time when it comes to social media and body image. Dr. Sophia Choukas-Bradley, who studies gender and adolescent mental health, notes that some apps like Instagram present specific challenges because they are:

• Highly visual: Many people, especially celebrities and influencers, carefully curate their images on highly visual social platforms and even manipulate images to adhere to white, thin, and wealthy beauty standards. 
• Quantifiable: Young people don’t have to imagine how popular someone or something is; they can see it for themselves in likes and shares. 

Dr. Choukas-Bradley also reminds us that teens are going through specific developmental changes including: 

• Changes in body size and weight (which for most kids brings them further from narrow beauty standards).
• Stronger orientation to peers and more care about what they think.
• The capacity to think in abstract ways including the ability to consider “imaginary audiences.” 
• Amplified social comparison. While not unique to teens, it can accelerate as young people answer the question, “Who am I?” 

Connecting the dots, it makes sense that Instagram shows up more often related to body image concerns. Add in a pandemic, which has meant more stress, more time online, and fewer “real life” comparisons to counteract online imagery, and it’s no wonder some kids are struggling. 

Does this mean that Instagram can’t yield positive outcomes for some teens? Does it mean it is the sole cause of body image concerns? Of course not. There are also plenty of other risk factors for body dissatisfaction and eating disorders including stress and trauma, racism, and food insecurity. For many, social media may be magnifying and reinforcing existing vulnerabilities we should not ignore.

This does mean that we should do everything we can to advocate for platform accountability and shore up protective factors for our kids’ digital wellbeing. Here are a few ways to get started:

We can both hold platforms accountable and coach individual coping skills. We can both delight in our teen’s digital strengths and watch for signs of struggle. Indeed, our teenagers’ health and wellbeing depend on it. 

Listen. Talk. Listen more.

It’s okay to talk to your teen directly about your concerns. That said, young people don’t benefit from long lectures. Instead, be ready to meet your teen in the world they are in, not the world you wish they were in. Thoughtful screen time limits and delaying phones or certain apps absolutely have a place in our parenting toolkit. But listening, empathizing, and problem solving around the many forces that shape your teen’s relationship with their body and food go a lot farther than the “lament and lecture” approach to parenting tweens and teens. This includes having ongoing conversations about topics like fatphobia, sexism, racism, shame, and beauty and sport industries. 

Nurture critical social media literacy and advocacy.

Critical media literacy can help inoculate teens from the worst impacts of harmful content online. This includes talking early and often about the construction of social media images, the motives behind content creation, and the algorithms that drive specific content into our feeds. Connect your teen to organizations who are disrupting toxic cultures online and helping young people deconstruct the narratives and images they see there.

Coach teens to curate a healthy feed.

Ask your teen to reflect on questions like, “What helps me feel better?” and “What makes me feel worse?” and “Who benefits from me feeling this way?” Talk through strategies to curate their feeds for wellbeing and body positivity rather than being a passive consumer of images served up by algorithms. Learn from projects like the Connected Learning Lab’s Spaces of Refuge series that amplifies programs and apps that support mental health.

Don’t ignore signs of concern.

Don’t ignore concerns about your teen’s mental health, body image, or relationship with social media. Pay specific attention to:

→  Signs of disordered eating and mental health concerns.

→  Interfering preoccupation with being “camera ready.”  

→  Excessive emotional investment in online feedback.

Don’t ignore signs of strengths.

Don’t assume that social media writ large is a toxic substance when it comes to mental health or that your teen isn’t already exercising healthy coping skills. Indeed, we know that cultivating positive social relationships online, experiencing belonging, and participating in interest-driven communities are protective. Many young people are actively seeking support online for mental health concerns. Be sure you focus on and learn about what is going well on social media, not just what is going wrong. 

Seek support.

Deleting Instagram from your teen’s phone is not going to instantly heal their relationship with their body. If you have concerns about your teen’s relationship with eating or exercise, don’t hesitate to get in touch with a trusted pediatrician or family health provider. Early, culturally sustaining, and identity affirming care and treatment is key to your teen’s wellbeing.

There’s no doubt that many news headlines make us want to throw out our teens’ phones. But the next headline may just cause you to retrieve it. Our teens desperately need us to slow down and practice both/and thinking when it comes to their mental health and devices. We can both hold platforms accountable and coach individual coping skills. We can both delight in our teen’s digital strengths and watch for signs of struggle. Indeed, our teenagers’ health and wellbeing depend on it. 

Every headline is an opportunity for us to pause, access our curiosity, and turn towards the young people in our lives. It cues us to the important issues we need to wrestle with – not with the sole goal of powering down devices but with the goal of staying connected and prioritizing mental health and wellbeing.