“Your phone is blowing up!” a friend noticed during a walk together. “Everything okay?” 

I laughed and showed her the avalanche of cow, sunglass-smiley-face, and poop emojis pouring down my phone screen. “Ah. New smartwatch?” she asked. 

“Yup,” I responded. 

A persistent string of nonsensical emojis is typical for a pre-teen exploring what’s possible on a one-inch-by-one-inch screen with limited features. When the only option is calling or texting a preapproved list of trusted adults, the best way to find fun is to put the emojis to work.

I knew from experience that once the novelty wore off, the flood of emojis would too. I also knew that these first forays into texting laid the perfect low-stakes stage for conversations about online communication. 

I replied to my kid with a heart emoji and a, “Be home soon!” Ten heart emojis, five snakes, and a ghost appeared within seconds. I smiled. Thank goodness for training wheels.

Another reason to delay?

It is no surprise that ten-year-olds find their way quickly around even the smallest and least sophisticated devices. Given that eleven is the median age at which kids get their first smartphone in the U.S., what does this mean for their readiness for a larger screen, more options, and more apps?

When it comes to the question, “When should I get my kid a phone?” most experts are reluctant to pinpoint a specific age for all kids. That’s because each child and family has unique needs, strengths, and vulnerabilities. There are plenty of fourteen-year-olds who do fine with their phones and plenty of eighteen-year-olds who don’t.

Researchers have been studying this question for years. A new study adds more data to the conversation.

What the study actually found

A team of researchers looked at Adolescent Brain Cognitive Development (ABCD) data for more than 10,500 children. The strength of the ABCD data is that it is a large, diverse national sample and it isn’t a “one-time” survey. It allows researchers to follow biological and behavioral development through adolescence and (eventually) into young adulthood. In a study published in the journal Pediatrics, they found that:

• Children who had a smartphone at age twelve were somewhat more likely to report depression, obesity, and insufficient sleep than those who did not yet have one. 
• Among kids who already had smartphones, getting one earlier (for example, at age ten rather than eleven) was associated with somewhat higher rates of obesity and insufficient sleep by age twelve, though it was not linked to higher rates of depression after researchers accounted for family and developmental factors. 
• The researchers also followed children who did not yet have smartphones at age twelve. Those who got one by age thirteen were more likely to report mental health symptoms and insufficient sleep than those who still did not have one.
• More than 60 percent of children already owned smartphones by age twelve.

What we know (and what we don’t)

Does this mean that we now have definitive evidence that phones are driving the youth mental health crisis? No. Does it mean that every eleven and twelve-year-old who gets a phone will inevitably have poor mental health outcomes and sleep problems? No, again. 

Headlines claiming “final proof” should be treated with skepticism. The authors themselves are careful to point out that these findings do not establish cause and effect. The research also looked only at whether children owned smartphones; it did not examine what they were actually doing on those devices. Patterns of use and the kinds of content young people encounter likely shape outcomes in ways that simple ownership data cannot capture.

Even so, these findings are worth paying attention to. Small shifts across millions of children can matter, especially if they affect foundations of health like sleep.

If your child already has a smartphone

Don’t panic if your pre-teen already has a smartphone. Panic rarely leads to our best parenting decisions. The research does not show that all kids with smartphones inevitably develop sleep problems or depression. The vast majority of kids with smartphones were not depressed.

Rather than panic, let’s use this new data as motivation to stay connected and set purposeful boundaries that matter for mental health. No matter what device your child has access to, it is always helpful to revisit media agreements and clarify boundaries targeted at protecting sleep, socializing, and movement. 

Parenting and imperfect science

This will not be the last study on tweens, teens, and phones. There will continue to be debates about the “right age,” and science is unlikely to ever resolve the question entirely. For many parents though, this kind of data is persuasive enough to justify slowing way down.

As researcher Dr. Jacqueline Nesi pointed out in the New York Times, “It’s incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to get that kind of causal evidence on this topic.” She added, however, that this study’s findings may “nudge” parents toward delaying smartphone ownership.

Very few experts (including myself) think it’s a great idea to hand a ten-year-old a fully loaded smartphone and walk away. This data reinforces what we have been recommending for a while now: go very slow and build skills.

Tech decisions are a cycle

While first phone decisions weigh heavily on parents, the reality is that emotionally loaded tech decisions do not begin (or end) with that single device. Researcher Amanda Lenhart at the Joan Ganz Cooney Center recently authored a report on what she calls the “family tech cycle.” Instead of a one-time decision, families repeatedly move through a rhythm of deciding whether to introduce a technology, setting it up, and managing it over time.

One of the report’s key findings? Parents are exhausted by this cycle and yearn for products designed to make the process easier, safer, and better attuned to their children’s ages. Interviews with families across the country revealed that the question isn’t simply, “When should my child get a phone?” It’s also, “How do we introduce digital tools in ways that build skills and support healthy development over time?”

Where to begin

Start Simple

This study looked at age of first smartphone. Unfortunately, most popular apps and platforms are not child or youth-centered. They are built on powerful algorithms designed to grab and hold our attention. This means that jumping straight to a fully loaded smartphone simply because “everyone else has one” can make it much harder and riskier than it needs to be.

Devices can do all kinds of things: text, take photos, play music, and access the internet, social media, apps, and other platforms. Consider separating different features of a phone and introducing them slowly over time. Use a family phone or device, try smartphone alternatives, or do your best to strip phones of networked features. Delaying access to unregulated social media platforms beyond the “window of sensitivity” of early adolescence makes a lot of sense. For example, Snapchat might come much later than simply being able to text a trusted adult. Use our first device guide for help making the right decisions for your family.

Use Media Agreements

Media agreements are a great way to kickstart healthy media habits with any new tech. Kids usually don’t respond well to a long “list of things you shouldn’t do” or a fifteen-page formal contract. Instead, co-create agreements, revisit them frequently, and focus on communication. 

Remember, the strongest associations in this study showed up around sleep, one of the foundations of adolescent wellbeing. That reinforces something developmental science has been telling us for years. In your agreements, talk about ways to protect sleep as well as movement, downtime, focus, purposeful activities, and in-person connection.

Coach and Practice Skills

Think back to the long string of poop emojis. That’s why I said, “thank goodness for training wheels.” These first forays into texting are exactly that: opportunities to coach new skills and build healthy habits. Delaying everything until young people are fourteen and then handing them a fully loaded smartphone doesn’t guarantee digital thriving. Instead, work on scaffolding skills over time. Start with the poop emoji conversation and build from there. Don’t delay AI and media literacy, talking through digital dilemmas, and exploring the attention economy and persuasive design. After all, we begin building the emotional skills for social media and smartphones long before kids have their own smartphones.

Stay connected

The latest data may be the encouragement you need to delay smartphones. But the family tech cycle also reminds us that introducing technology is never a one-time decision. It’s more like learning to ride a bike: training wheels, wobbles, adjustments, and trying again. 

Families deserve digital tools that make this process safer, easier, and more joyful. Until then, we can go slow, introduce features gradually, adjust as kids grow, and stay involved along the way. Poop emojis and all.