Connection

Parent frustrated while setting limits

7 Ways Setting Limits Can Go Awry

And what to try instead

“Sometimes I feel like my kids are out of control,” worried one parent. Another quickly added, “My daughter knows just how to push my buttons.” A third chimed in with, “I’m always in a power struggle with my four-year-old son.” Comments like these are common in parenting workshops, and I’ve uttered versions of my own…  Read More

Child crying who needs an emotion coach to help handle his feelings

Be an Emotion Coach: 6 Simple Steps

Emotion coaching helps kids learn how to manage powerful emotions and turns would-be power struggles into learning opportunities. Whether or not you know it, your children already sees you as their emotion coach. So here are six steps to start honing your coaching skills. Listen. Pay attention to your child or teen. What are they…  Read More

Illustrations of emotions emerging from brain

Why Your Child or Teen Needs An Emotion Coach

And Why You Are the Person for the Job

At a recent workshop on emotion coaching I asked parents to share something about their children that they were really proud of – not in terms of accomplishments, but in terms of behaviors they have been working on. This distinction is important. You no doubt feel proud if your child makes the honor roll or…  Read More

Child experiencing digital wellbeing while listening to music and working on laptop

The Three Pillars of Digital Wellbeing

What is digital wellbeing? It is certainly an elusive term, as digital technologies keep changing the way we live and communicate at breathtaking speed. Children and youth today spend more time tethered to technology than any other activity in their waking hours. It is transforming the way that they learn, share, connect and grow. We’ve…  Read More

Teenager with pink hair and a nose ring.

How to Support Your Teen’s Identity Development

One summer evening when Monica and I were reading after dinner, our thirteen-year-old son Brian came in the back door. As he walked by the living room, both of our jaws dropped at the sight of his bright orange hair. When I say bright I mean practically neon. Luckily we had the presence of mind…  Read More

Teenager sitting alone at a table looking stressed

Stress and The Brain

Too Much, Too Little, and the Resilience Sweet Spot

As a culture, we are obsessed with stress and the brain –“Stress Free in 40 Days!”– “Go On Vacation and Leave Stress Behind!” say the advertisements. You can buy stress busters, stress exterminators, and stress eradicators. Yet one out of five children report worrying “a great deal” or “a lot.” Millenials (young adults ages 18-33)…  Read More

How To Negotiate With Your Teen

Without Being a Pushover

“Dad, Andy just called and his family is heading out to dinner and he wants to know if I can come. Can I?” My son Brian asked. “That sounds fun but you promised to clean up the basement today.” I responded. “Dad, Andy is leaving for the summer this weekend and this is my chance…  Read More

Dad putting hand on shoulder of teenage son to stay connected

Parenting Teens – Staying Connected As Your Child Grows Up

“I’m afraid I might just disappear” In my early twenties I facilitated a workshop with middle schoolers around the theme of courage. The teachers warned me that one student might be a bit difficult to deal with. “She’s always acting out and challenging authority,” one of the teachers said. The workshop went along uneventfully until…  Read More

Child eating marshmallows, reminiscent of the famous marshmallow experiment at Stanford in the 1970s.

Another Take on the Marshmallow Experiment

Why Trust is a Critical Ingredient in Self-Control

“Moot!” my son exclaimed happily. “More moot!” In order to make sure that he got his message through to me he proudly showed me his empty milk glass. I reassured him that I would return to the dining room with more milk after I checked in on dinner simmering on the stove. For a thirsty…  Read More

Mom and teenager laughing and connecting

Parenting Teens: Getting Creative With Connection

Even though you might anticipate some distancing while parenting teens, it is still not easy emotionally. My son Brian starting asking for a “divorce” from our family when he turned fourteen! He even started looking at apartment ads nearby and no doubt would have flown the coop if we had let him go. Loosen, but…  Read More